Favre Pete’s Sake!

There are a host of issues dividing our country right now. For instance, “town halls” are being held all over the country by government officials to explain to angry people that health care is better run by the government than by the free market (and, really, isn’t EVERYTHING?). Still, no issue seems quite as divisive (and, sadly, not as important) as the 45th un-retirement of Brett Favre. No return has gotten as much press as when that goober proclaimed that Jesus was coming back in 1988 … oops, no, I mean 1989 … oops, no, uh, I’ll get back with you.

Seriously, this Favre thing has gotten out of hand, and I must confess that, during this now “3-years-going-on-eternity” process, I have moved through interest to apathy to rolling my eyes to anger to dry heaving. As of a few weeks ago, I thought all of this had been put to bed, and I was looking forward to the football season without all the hyped-up garbage about Favre playing for the Vikings and facing his former Packer team, seeking revenge on the organization that so ruthlessly cut him after he had given them his blood, sweat, tears – yea, verily, nothing less than his life – for umpteen thousand years, one super bowl title, and at least 4 bajillion interceptions.

I was going to write a diatribe and vent all my anger on that poor, unsuspecting young man from Hattiesburg, Mississippi. Tell him to make a decision and stick with it. Let go of his glory days. Grow up and stuff. Move on.

But, in the end, I’m not sure he should be the real object of my anger. Sure, I’m sick of the “do I or don’t I?” thing. I’m tired of the tear-filled press conferences – the “I think I can still play, but I just don’t want to” (or is it “I want to play, but I just don’t think I can handle it anymore”) In the end, though, I’m not sure it’s his fault. Yes, it’s his set of issues, pathetic and psychotic as they may be. But the fact that the whole world is constantly exposed to every second of this ridiculous escapade is not his doing. People all over the world are having issues everyday and I don’t know about them (or don’t have them force fed to me when I’m just trying to see the score of the baseball game).

The fault lies with this incredibly unnecessary and mind-numbing 24/7 news cycle that we are on. Anybody remember the days when the newspaper was up to date? When the news was available to you at noon (no one watched and they put the news intern on the broadcast), 6, and 10, and that was good enough.? Who needed more information than that?

Now, these people who are broadcasting 24 hours a day (because they’ve decided we need that) have to fill up all that time with something. So reporters are waiting outside the Favre estate in Missisippi (can you actually say “estate” and “Mississippi” in the same phrase?) to report the latest from Brett’s ongoing mood swings. Then when he finally decides to un-retire again from the retirement he took after his last un-retirement following his retirement from an un-retirement after what turned out to be just a big misunderstanding that we can all chuckle about now, we get helicopter shots from TV stations in Minnesota as his SUV (which is probably only slightly less ecologically irresponsible that Obama’s) is escorted by police across the city in a scene that would make the O.J. chase jealous.

When will the madness end? I’d ask for more government control over this mess, but they’re apparently busy right now trying to figure out how to better my life through mediocre medical coverage. Perhaps one day they’ll come up with a plan to exponentially multiply our deficit and simultaneously save me from this 24 hour news cycle (or just prescribe me some free – and potent -prescription drugs to help).

Brett Favre is not ultimately the issue here. He’s just the latest evidence of the  problem (and has been for a few times now).  I can’t blame him. If someone wanted to pay me $12 million to lead worship for a year, I’d come out of retirement also – even with a torn rotator cuff. After all, I’d have universal health care.

Now, I must hurry and go watch O’Reilly, Hannity, Greta, and 3 identical episodes of Sportscenter before I go to bed. (I wouldn’t want to miss anything.)